i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
