he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize