i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
