respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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