I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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