I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
