my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
