You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
