the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
