I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
