she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
