Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize