Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
