oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
