There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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