Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
