I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
