i don't like sucking hair
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
