Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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