How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
