You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
