Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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