My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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