evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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