people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
please come you make the beer taste better
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
