OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
