i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
