The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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