I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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