I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
