He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
