Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
