What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
