Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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