Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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