Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
