HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
