Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
