For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
