So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
