Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
