a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
