so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
