if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
