Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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