Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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