I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
