WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
