every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I smell like Dick and happiness
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
