Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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