I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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