i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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