I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
