hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
