Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
