im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
