Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
