Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and she was petting her beer can
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
