Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
