ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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