when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
