Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize