Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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