so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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