oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
