I'm jealous of your bromance
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
