he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
