I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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