Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize