White coat. Heels.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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