hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
