just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
