I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
