would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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