1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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