when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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